What message is given to the cheating spouse if the other spouse is fully aware of affair %26amp; does nothing?What do you think about women/men that repeatedly ';forgive'; their spouse for cheating on them? Strong or Weak?
it shows that either you dont mind and he can do anything he wants to because he runs the relationshipWhat do you think about women/men that repeatedly ';forgive'; their spouse for cheating on them? Strong or Weak?
I believe it all depends on how you look at it. In a sense, a woman who can forgive her cheating partner over and over must be strong enough to stay in such a tumultuous relationship that's gotta be tearing her up inside instead of just throwing in the towel. Everyone is different and the way that a woman handles the situation should be her decision because it's her life and no matter what she decides she shouldn't be viewed as ';weak'; or like she's worthless just because she decides to stay. I know quite a few women who have stayed in those relationships and their husbands completely changed after a few years (alcoholism had a lot to do with the repetitive cheating). Although I have been cheated on myself, it was a one time thing and I left the relationship after the first time, but I don't judge women who choose to stay either.
The terms of a marriage are up to those involved to define.
Some people see an affair as the worst possible betrayal, while others see it as a purely sexual release and are not threatened by it.
Most people probably fall somewhere in between.
Personally, I don't have an opinion on other people's marriages and their responses to infidelity. There are too many factors that are known only to those involved, and ultimately, it's not my concern.
I dont consider is a sign of weakness. It takes a STRONG woman to put up with that kind of bold behavior.
In my opinion, I feel that you were hoping it would just end. But you had finally reached your limit and said ';Enough is enough already';. I look at your EX as the weak one. Any man who cheats and cheats and cheats is a very weak person. It is the woman who puts up with it that is the strong one. It is the woman who will forgive and take the husband/boyfriend back. Try that with a man. You cheat one time, and you are history!
However, the message that is being relayed to the cheating spouse is this: ';Its ok what you're doing. I'll stay right here and wait for you until you are done, and I will just ignore it....then we can continue with our marriage/relationship when you feel you are ready again.';
he would think that he could get away with it, without consequences. it is hard to know what to do when this happens, and there is always the possibility that the spouse will come to his senses and come back. but waiting too long just makes u look weak, and makes u feel weak about yourself. when a spouse is openly cheating on u, its in your best interest to get a divorce so u can go on with life and not loose your dignity.
I think you are a fool if you forgive him time and time again.
He knows you will stay. So he can do what ever he wants.
If you leave he is the fool with no one to take of him.
But most stay for money, kids, love. But he can`t make enough for you to put up this The kids might be better off. He can`t love you.
So why would anyone want to be a fool and look the other way.
Yes he thinks its funny when he gets by with it. You were a fool.
Sorry but thats how I see it.
Marriage is different then dating. If someone keeps cheating and the other person stays, it is weakness. But marriage is hard to get out of.
My cousin has a boyfriend who has left her several times to see other people and she always takes him back. Its because she doesn't think she can do better and is too lazy to find someone else.
You got out of the marriage. Good for you. Some people don't because they are naive and really think the spouse will change.
that is a tough one, I guess one never truly knows what they would do until it happens to them. I have forgiven mine for things that some folks would not agree with, I guess. Not infidelity, but wrong enough. It is up to the indiviudal, only you can say if you can get through a situation like that and not allow it to tear you up. Pray on it!
Weak, they are afraid to be alone even when their spouse has total disregard for their feelings and a complete disrespect. How can you live like that in the same home? It's okay to forgive one time and work through a marriage but if its a continuous thing then that makes you weak.
If you know something is wrong and you do nothing about it, you might as well give him permission to continue. However, you were probably in a state of shock and some denial. I bet your glad it's over. Is it?
Due to the fact that STD's can kill you...sticking around is not a good idea IMO. Would putting up with cheating be worth getting AIDs?? I think not. I think a strong woman will kick him out and start over fresh with her head held high!
The spouse is weak and the cheating spouse learns it's ok to cheat because their partner will do nothing.
This question is asked weekly. Just go look it up.
BTW, forgive them once, shame on them. Forgive them twice shame on you.
Desperation.
Its probably weak self esteem. Either you care or you don't
I would thing you were weak!
I would say denial... refusing to realize what is going on and acting as if it is not... Hoping that they will come to their senses or praying that they will leave and not return.. Many deal with it in fear that they would not be able to make it on their own.
I think if you know and do nothing it is a form of saying you don't care or don't want to deal with it. I think it gives them the impression that they can have both of you.
Surly it had to have hurt your feelings to where he seen the impact of it. But that again depends on his level of caring for you.
If you knew and did nothing then I would question your own feelings for him as well..maybe you just had enough and didn't care because you knew it was going to end.. glad to see that you made the right choice.. I don't think it shows weakness.. in a marriage there can be other factors that you have to take into consideration.. sometimes it takes planning to get out.. Sounds like you spent time getting to know yourself and how to live without him so when the time came you followed through with leaving.
Good on you for summoning the strength needed to obtain the divorce!!! I could never stick around if I knew he was being unfaithful, that would be it for me.
I don't think you should be so hard on yourself for doing nothing for that first year and a bit after you knew about the affair. I suspect you were probably so devastated and shocked that you were kind of paralysed into inaction, not because you didn't care, not because you forgave him, but because you were so weakened by the knowledge of the affair and so desperate for normality that you tried to live your life as normally as possible and failed to act, almost as though you were in denial.
I think the message given to the cheating spouse when the other spouse is fully aware of the affair and doesn't act is that the other spouse is complicit in allowing the affair to take place. I think to some extent it may even appease their feelings of guilt. It's not for you to concern yourself with whatever he was thinking or feeling though, he made the choice to cheat, and he is fully responsible for his own actions. Your job is to take care of you, rebuild your life, relinquish the tainted past you had with him, and dream a new dream for yourself.
No comments:
Post a Comment