For all married couples: your spouse's friendship with members of the opposite sex?

For men and women who are married. What boundaries do you have regarding your spouse's involvement with friends of the opposite sex? Do you feel it's appropriate for them to communicate via e-mail, to meet alone for lunch or get-togethers, phone calls, etc.





At what point do you feel threatended or disrespected?For all married couples: your spouse's friendship with members of the opposite sex?
Not married but have been with my boyfriend for over 6 six years, so I'll answer this question.





I honestly have no problem with him having friends as long as he is 100% honest with me about how they know each other. Email is ok and so are quick chats over the phone. Meeting alone is just asking for trouble, so I'd say a big no to that. Same goes for me. Trust is important, but so is maintaining your relationship. You have to make sure that you are keeping yourself AND your spouse/so happy while having friendships.. Your spouse/so should ALWAYS come first and if they are upset about something or have questions about the relationshp, you should answer it honestly.For all married couples: your spouse's friendship with members of the opposite sex?
I always Ask my husband when invited to lunch by a male co-worker. Nothing big,I just call him and say ';Hey So and so wants to take me to lunch, are you good with that?'; He always says something along the lines of yes, tell him I said hello.





He doesn't have female friends that are not BOTH of our friends so can't help you there. As far as e-mailing and such, I never do the personal back and forth thing unless it is to inquire on their spouse or a get together. Mostly its just Humorous FWDs and such.





There was one time when he had left a job and he dropped by the office a few times to sort of gloat and see how the new guy was working out. What irritated me was, the office gal was a total Whor* I had to ask him to please stop going there because it wasn't that I didn't trust him its that I didn't trust her. He did. He saw my point. I really think he just didn't realize how being around her pressed my button. I had to communicate my reasoning in a clear way so that he didn't think I was blaming him for something imagined.





It's a slippery slope. Especially with the internet these days. I believe Cheating can Most definitely happen at an emotional level and in a way that is worse.
My husband grew up with a girl who is now lesbian. She has been since she was like 12, so I dont mind them being friends, as well as I am friends with her too, but other than that, no way. There is no such thing as being close with the opposite sex. It always turns into more on at least one side of the friendship.
My husband has a long time friend of the opposite sex. They stay in touch all the time. Either she calls and talks to him or he calls her. He has even gone home without me once and stayed at her house. I know the relationship is purely friendly and would be nothing else so I have no reason to to feel threatened. If at any point I did, then I would insist that he break off the friendship. If I feel that my husband has taken even a friendly flirtation too far, we talk about it at a later time and he respects my feelings. That's called communication and mutual respect.


Red
I do not mind him talking to females when I am around rather it is on the phone or in person. But if he began to start sneaking around talking on the phone to a woman and meeting with out me knowing. He would be in trouble. Also, I do not like him talking to a certain person. She wants a baby daddy and she still has feelings for him from when they tried dating a few years ago. He does not believe me that is alright, I know the truth and I did not want them talking. That was when I was a jealous person, very jealous. Now I regret doing that to him and herself. She needs help and a real person to talk to. It is in the past now, so its okay. I do feel disrespected when he walks away from me to talk to him ex wife ';about the kids'; on the phone. But that is just another problem.
My husband doesn't really have female friends, but he has a couple of female colleagues and sometimes they take mealbreaks together, but it's always in a group. He works in a predominantly male environment, so there are always other guys around, however it wouldn't really trouble me if there wasn't. I trust him completely. The one thing that would make me feel threatened or disrespected would be if he was conducting a friendship in secrecy, or if he had a female friend who was openly antagonistic towards me, but that has never happened.


I have a few male friends, and my husband is very indulgent about that - they can phone and email me, sometimes we go out for coffee, lunch, or hang out by the sea together; my husband never minds. My friends are very respectful towards my husband though - in fact some think he's a little intimidating, so they'd never risk anything. The only time (since we've been married) that he felt disrespected was when a guy friend gave me lingerie as a gift once - there was no harm meant and I absolutely know that, but it wasn't a wise choice - and my husband made that crystal clear.
my husband is not allowed to have single female friends... if he has female friends they must be married or in a long and serious relationship... i must know their partners. single female being friends with married couples is a bit awkward for me especially a night in or out where alcohol is involved... where that could lead to jealousy... u know nowadays i truely believe only few people are truely happy for u others and most want to be in ur shoes.... if they saw u happy with ur husband they want to be u..... do u agree
Aside from co-workers and mutual friends, there are none for either of us.
If he's having sex with her that's being TOO friendly!





Unless I'm there to supervise of course...LOL
Well I'm not married and probably won't be until a couple of years go by, but I guess the same rules apply to a girlfriend, well I feel it's okay for them to contact via email, phone calls, maybe even a get together as long she tells me what she's doing. I'd probably start to feel threatened and disrespected if she did so without telling me, and if she spends more time with them than me. It also depends on the circumstances, but one thing's for certain, friends need to stay within their boundaries.
No it is not appropriate, it should not be accepted, and the person doing this, is doing it because they are not serious about the relationship.
We both have friends of the opposite sex, most of them are couples, or if they are our signle friends we always do things with them when we are together. I would feel very uncomfortable if he was having lunch with a female with out me. Or exchanging e-mails ect.





eDIT- My ex had a close female friend that would come over and hang out and we'd have drinks together... I later found out that when I would go to bed or leave they would have sex on my couch.... it doesnt matter if you know them or not... This went on for 2 years behind my back....
when i tell them clearly that i don't want her to see the guy because i have my reasons. and she completely disregard what i said and how it makes me feel. if i am with you and love you then i think that you can loose for friend for me not matter what kind of friend it is. because i have done it for her, so she should do it for me too. no matter what. because we are together and your friend is not your husband. so friends should never come between.
it could be a little uncomfortable but if you have trust in your relationship it shouldnt be a problem and you shouldnt feel threatened. i would feel threatened if they spent more time talking to each other than him and i.
I used to let my husband have free rein with his friends of the opposite sex. Then one got a crush on him and told me she was sleeping with him. I then told him that he is not to have any friends of the opposite sex at all. He can talk to them professionally at work and that is it except for our mutual married friends. The girl later admitted to lying and apologized, but it isn't something I ever want to go through again. Most relationships are not purely platonic, one or the other has ulterior motives.
Well, straight men don't bother with married women (or any 'taken' woman, really)... unless they think they can get them drunk %26amp; get an easy one (without costing them money/dating). So, there's really no room for that in our lives. She can't be bothered, either. From a male standpoint, most women don't understand this motive in men (and buy into talky excuses, etc. maybe not to limit their OWN freedom of ';going out'; without him!?!?) -- or, they wouldn't allow their hubbies to leave at night, etc. for teasing/drinks, making-out and stealing time/affections with others (it happens, if the guy is attractive believe me). Any woman posting here -- claiming they 'trust' their husbands, etc. to be out alone are simply flat-out naive.





Trust has its bounds. It depends when, where and with whom.





Generally, it's NOT a good idea.
Neither my husband or I are very social so we don't hang out with anybody but each other and our families - and we're quite comfortable with this. It works for us.
any friendship they have with the oppostie sex should only be indulged with both parties present. There should be no e-mails to just one, it should be to both. Lunch meetings shoul include all three of you, etc.
I personally have friends of the opposite sex and so does my wife. We both have lives and have lived them before the marriage, I do not expect that our past lives will up and vanish the instant we are married.





Talking, eating, enjoying time with your friends is important. Friendship is what makes the world go 'round. You have to remember that before you were husband and wife or husband and husband or wife and wife that you were friends, at least I would hope so.





Now taken to the extremes of getting too friendly with your friends (Friends With Benefits) is a whole other issue that needs to be dealt with swiftly. If you are doing things that you would never do with your significant other standing next to you, able to understand what you are doing and approve of, then you have crossed the boundaries for me.





That's when it becomes inappropriate behavior.
I think it's completely fine. E-mail, lunch, whatever. It's a trust issue and insecurity will not help you handle the situation. Also remember that if you happen to have a female acquaintance someday you will want the freedom to have that friendship too. On the other hand I would feel a little threatened if they got to the point of going out at night for a drink or something like that if I'm just sitting at home with the kids and wasn't invited....
Emails, chatting on the phone is OK. I do not think it is approriate having lunch alone etc.





Just the fact that people will see them alone will lead to gossip and rumors, and suspicions.
Honestly I don't agree with any of it. All of that stuff is a threat to me and my wife and I argue over it all the time. We almost divorced over it before. I hate it! I don't have women as friends other then my co workers that my wife knows, also they are married. She works for a company that I can not go to and visit. There are a lot of men that work there and I don't know anything about them and when I ask her about them she starts getting mad and says, why are you so worried about it. I get pissed! But what can I do? Nothing. All I can say is if this is a problem for you, keep a close eye on things. Because this day and age you never know. Hope this helped.
I am the one with friends of the opposite sex. I email and occasionally talk on the phone. My husband knows of this and we go out with them and their wives sometimes. It is not a big deal and the boundaries have never been crossed and they never will.
My husband interacts with his female friends just as he would his male friends. I have no problem with this.


I guess if he was having naked spend the night parties while I was out of town I would be upset.
I am comfortable with him having female friend because he has brought them around and I have chatted with them. I wouldn't like it if I never met them.