What do you think ?Do you think a couple can be happy together after one spouse cheated ? Does having children affect the outcome?
My BIL had an affair - he used to work in the mines and only come home for a week out of the month. They have 2 children, a 5 year old and a 1 year old, and she took him back for the sake of the kids. It has been 6m since it happened, and their relationship is terrible - they rarely talk, when they do they fight, and the affair is ALWAYS brought up when they are arguing. Its like the old saying, you can forgive but you can't forget, and when you can't forget - well it's over.
It was really sad when it all happened and my partner asked his nephew what was wrong because he wasn't talking and he said ';Daddy has a new girlfriend'; - it broke my heart, and my partner and I made a vow to each other there and then that we could NEVER do that to each other - we saw first hand how devastating it is for a family and how much life changes.
ETA: My SIL was convinced that her partner would never cheat on her, they had been together 10 years with 2 kids. She said that if he did, she would leave him in a flash. It wasn't until she saw all the text messages that she actually believed it, and I can say it only took her 2 days to work out that she wanted to stay with him. She totally went back on her word, but I could see why ...
When your partner cheats, it is something so out of your control. You need to decide if you are willing to throw your life away, as you know it, because of what someone else has done.
Because her partner slept with someone else, should she have to become a single mother, sell her home, move interstate, raise her children without a father whose there all the time? Thats basically what it comes down to. Its not your fault, but its YOUR life they are playing with.
Its definately a tough oneDo you think a couple can be happy together after one spouse cheated ? Does having children affect the outcome?
I think it really depends on the situation. If the cheating has occurred over a period of time and the cheating spouse does it behind your back with the plotting and secret meetings and such, that's not forgivable at all.
If it was a one-time fling in the peak of frustration and anger (ie: after a fight, maybe) and the cheating spouse admitted to it, then that is probably forgivable, but if it happened again, then the second time would be the end of the relationship.
Children don't even come into the mix. I strongly believe that ';staying together for the sake of the child'; is a very, very bad idea because children can tell if you have a rocky relationship with your spouse, and what's more, they base all their future relationships on their parents.
Well if it was one time, I think I would stay with him, but it would take along time for me to trust him again, and until then anything could happen (like we would probably fight all the time and I would constantly use it against him and that could cause us to split)
If he did it a second time that would be it...
Having said that, I can't imagine my life without him, if it did actually happen, i don't know if I would still feel like that.
Years ago i would have said dump him but now that i am older i like to think that i am just a bit wiser. of course there will be trust issue and a world of pain but if the marriage was good before it can be again get some christian counseling call your church if you don't have one find a Bible believing church they can help this to can be healed life is to hard to go it alone but it will take a lot of hard work from both to make it work and if you have kids it's so much better to keep things together they did not ask for this so give it a try
I think no, the fact that they cheated will forever haunt you and no matter who you are you will have a lot of trust issues which are key to a relationship, when there are kids involved its worse not only did he cheat on you but your family as well, he picked his one night drunk stand over his family and his familys sanity. Honestly Id dump him like a rock thats if I let him live.
If it was a one time thing, I could get over it. I would never tell my husband that - no need to give him a free pass =P - but I love him to death. I don't think he would ever cheat on me (obviously - I wouldn't have married him otherwise) but I do think that people do stupid things sometimes and that I would be able to really forgive him if he wanted to make things right and still wanted to be with me. I felt the same before we had a child together as well.
I couldn't stay with him.
Knowing my husband, he would hate himself too much afterwards, and realize what he did wrong, and actually leave custody of the kids to me. I wouldn't want him around in our lives anyway if he did this. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Yes a couple can be happy.. but you really have to forgive the cheater and sometimes its hard to forget... you'll always be scared they'll do it again.. but if they really love you and forgive you its possible.. that trust will just have to be re-gained. and of course having a kid affects the outcome!
My good friend just found out her common law hubby is cheating. They have a 1 year old daughter and another on the way and she's staying with him because she's scared of doing it alone.
If it was my husband, i'd throw him a great big going away party - also known as a funeral. Well maybe not, but i'd change the locks.
Mistakes happen, we're only human after all. If it was a one-time thing, I think I would be far more willing to forgive than if it were an on-going relationship. I love my husband and at the end of the day, I know he loves me. So, yes I would go to counseling and give it another chance. But after that, I'd be out the door and on my own with my son if it happened again.
I think with a lot of work the right couple can overcome it. If it was a one night thing and not an actual affair where there had been feelings and attachment it would be possible to work it out. I would definitely not be as quick to walk now that we have a little one.
I personally couldn't. I am the only woman my husband has been with and I plan on keeping it that way. If he was with another woman I would never be able to be with him again. I would just think back of him with her or constantly remember this and the jealousy/anger would never end.
I think no because it will always be in the back of you're head and will always spark arguments and always come up. Its possible to forgive but believe me they will never forget. The kids nake it worse too because a man may question whether they are his.
I think they could try and I think some could be successful at it, but I don't think I'd be one of those people.
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal of trust. I wouldn't be able to get it out of my head and our relationship would suffer more because of it.
I also think that cheating is often a symptom of a larger problem and sometimes those can't be fixed.
I admire those that can work through something like that, but I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't. I love my husband and I think my daughter deserves to be raised by us as a married couple, but if he strayed I'd have to leave him. I'd expect him to do the same if the situation were reversed.
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